Is Coastal Grandmother a Real Thing?
Never point to anything beige and call it cool. ~Lea DeLaria
Yesterday, thanks to NPR, the “Coastal Grandmother” TikTok trend became real to you.
Jen White, describes a dreamy scene of a woman draped in a cream colored cashmere sweater sitting on a porch facing the ocean while reading a cookbook and sipping chilled white wine.
The term Coastal Grandmother was coined by 26-year-old Lex Nicoleta who is a TikTok creator. According to Jen White, TikTok trends result in consumers buying a lot of whatever is current on the platform. You don’t have TikTok so you have to take Jen White’s word as truth and wonder how being a grandmother became trendy.
It seems that the Coastal Grandmother movement promotes a “beachy, romantic, aesthetic lifestyle” that includes fashion, entertaining, and decorating. Grandma style must haves include flowy clothes that are comfortable in neutral colors of white, beige, cream, and champagne.
You remember Diane Keaton’s character in the 2013 movie “Somethings Gotta Give.” She lived and inspired the trend and now, in 2022, Coastal Grandmother is a lifestyle embraced by Baby Boomers, Millennials, and a group called Generation C.
The Gen C crowd? You had to consult Google to learn that Gen C is not an age bracket. According to thinkwithgoogle.com, it includes anyone who cares about “Creation, Curation, Connection, and Community.” These are C-is-for-consumer people. And they like alliteration, too.
Gen C is a mindset. Including Baby Boomers and Millennials with lots of Capacity, Capability and Cash.
Who are these kids who‘ve become Coastal Grandmothers? Why do they get to skip all the bullshit between youth and “grandmother?”
You might be a 60-year-old who has never made a fashion statement. Unless your statement is, “I don’t know how to make a fashion statement.”
You’d never consider joining a group of ladies wearing beige pants, white shirts, and wide-brimmed straw hats who walk the beach with gauzy fabrics swaying in the ocean breeze. Scanning cookbooks to find the perfect tapas-and-white wine pairing to serve guests on the veranda at sunset.
If paying $160.00 for a cashmere shawl or $90.00 for a white blouse makes you blink twice, then you are not a card carrying member of Coastal Grandmothers tribe.
So when you learned that there are currently 83,700 women on the TikTok bandwagon and Paper Magazine reports that Coastal Grandmothers have generated 1 billion views on the platform. You decide that it is a real thing.
Not your thing. The idea of being a grandmother poser in a baggy wheat colored flour sack isn’t ever going to be your next stage. You would not visit the North Eastern Coastal States of Grandmother.
As a teenager, you were a cowgirl, hippie, redneck, dirt biker. The day of your high school junior prom you were on horseback moving cattle all day and arrived home to change into your dress at the same moment your date came to pick you up.
Then, you joined the Navy and wore a uniform. You were chosen Sailor of the Month several times-mostly because you didn’t choose your own outfit.
Levi’s 501 button fly jeans became your standard young mom uniform worn with a variety of grey sweatshirts from Virginia Tech, University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Penn State, University of Wyoming and Western Kentucky University. Complete with plaid Converse tennis shoes. Long hair tied in a practical ponytail.
When you were responsible for three teenagers, you wore black. That was your “don’t fuck with me” stage. Dozens of black skirts, sweaters, and tights. One day when you were teaching special education a student pointed out that you were wearing an unmatched pair of shoes: both black, both flat, but different styles.
“Yeah, and I have a pair just like it at home,” you replied.
Post marriage and child launching, while living and teaching on the island of Maui you wore real beach wear. Tank tops, board shorts, swimsuits, rash guards, and tacky stuff you purchased at the swap meet.
Your youngest daughter came to visit your schoolroom. “Mom, the teachers are dressed like hookers. They wear cami undershirts that let their boobs hang out.”
“The school has no air-conditioning, it’s hot, and it’s windy. There are dust devils inside these classrooms,” you said. “Function over fashion.”
Now, you live in the heat drenched, drought plagued Sonoran Desert. Cashmere is a definite no.
What about another new trend? Sonoran Sages.
Sage by definition, is a mature person of sound judgement and experience according to Merriam-Webster. They are supporters of conservation, they care deeply about being in nature, are concerned about protecting the environment, and crave sustainability.
How do you become a Sonoran Sage?
First, you don’t wear unnecessary layers of clothing. No cashmere. It’s so damn hot in the desert that no clothing is preferable. Except for maybe a turquoise pendant with infused copper to help your immune system stay healthy.
Next, you drink. You don’t sip. You swill a combo of vodka, limeade, and jalapeno juice called The Rattler from a Hydro Flask. The Rattler can be served with a small, plastic snake taken from the freezer. (A bag of 12 found at Dollar Tree.) The fake snake really gets the party started.
As for tapas and wine pairing, you don’t need or want to try to impress people with pretentious food. Your signature chicken enchiladas are inexpensive, easy to prepare, and delicious.
Finally, Sonoran Sage, you are not savvy. You are wise.
That is the real thing.
